Keep me at Bay
by LostBerryQueen
Summary: Alex may laugh, torment Pennsatucky and manipulate Lolly, but she's struggled with mental illness too. When Piper rejects Alex for being paranoid, Pennsatucky offers her support. Vausetucky. Takes place during season 3.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Orange is the New Black or any of its characters.**

 **Chapter One**

Alex leaned against the wall, arms folded and eyes flicking over the inmates walking by. She wore an exhausted, annoyed expression on her face. Most of the inmates didn't make eye contact with her, but she made a mental note of the ones that glanced her way.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Alex heard a familiar voice and turned. Thankfully that voice had been avoiding her since she got here, at least up until this point.

Alex looked at Pennsatucky and smirked like she was trying to contain a very amusing thought. "Careful, you wouldn't want to lose any of those new teeth."

Pennsatucky smiled. "They are nice aren't they? Not many people notice them. You been paying extra special attention to me Vause?"

"Um, No." Alex's eyes flashed, disgusted. "Everyone notices them. They just don't say, to piss you off."

Alex pushed away from the wall and started walking towards the cafeteria.

But Pennsatucky followed. "Healy wants to see you."

Alex's eyebrows moved toward her nose. "Why? He's not my counselor anymore."

Pennsatucky shrugged. "He just said it was about Chapman."

Something hard and cold dropped into Alex's stomach, and she stopped walking.

Pennsatucky grinned at her, nodded and walked away.

Alex's narrowed eyes followed her.

This couldn't be good. Why the fuck did Mr. Healy want to talk to her about Piper? Had someone caught them together? Was she about to go to SHU for "lesbian activity." Only one person would have reported them for that.

Heart flicking up to a higher speed, Alex headed towards the grumpy walrus's office.

Mr. Healy looked up from his paperwork when she entered. "Hello, Ms. Vause, sit down."

Alex smirked a little at the tone Healy used to address her. He had never liked her, had always been jealous of her and Piper. It was okay though, she didn't really like him too much either. Her eyes scanned over the paper's scattered on Healy's desk skeptically. Did he ever actually do any work, or did he just pretend to?

"Now," He said folding his arms across the desk and leaning forward slightly. "It has come to my attention that you haven't been feeling yourself lately."

"Yeah, prison tends to do that to people. What's your point?"

"I mean, less yourself than usual. Piper mentioned something odd the other day. She was in here trying to get me to buy donuts for the five fastest working panty makers-"

Alex scoffed. It was funny to hear Healy talk about panties. He made a weird face when he did.

"And she mentioned something while she was going on about her stressful day." Healy opened his desk drawer and took out a notebook.

Alex's eyebrows raised. _He takes_ notes _on what Piper says?_

"'My hands get sore from all the sewing, I get tired from the horrible smell down there where I work, and if that's not enough to make my head hurt, I have to worry about my girlfriend...she's paranoid.'"

Up until the last few words, Alex had been smiling in amusement. It was so Piper to use her powers of manipulation to get donuts. It probably had something to do with convincing the other workers to join her illegal smelly panty selling business. But when she heard Piper talking about her that way, the cold hardness returned to her stomach.

Healy stopped reading Piper's quote and looked up. "When I asked her what you were paranoid about, she refused to continue."

"I'm not paranoid, sir." She added the formality distastefully.

Healy took off his glasses and peered at her. "I want you to start coming to safe place."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I don't need to go to safe place."

Healy leaned back in his chair, and started cleaning his glasses. "Yes, you do. It's not just Chapman who's been talking. I've had complaints from the guards. You started a scene in the cafeteria the other day, accused an inmate of 'trying to kill you'?"

"Yeah, because she was stalking me. She had a notebook where she wrote down my every move."

"Which you stole from her bunk."

"Yeah, because she's crazy. I don't need to go to safe place, sir."

"It's either safe place or psych. I'm sorry that it had to come to this, but I can't have inmates who are a danger to themselves and others in my prison. Not without them receiving treatment."

"I'm not crazy. If anyone needs to go to psych, it's Lolly. Or, 'Crazy' Eyes?"

"Suzanne's condition is under control. There is an agreement worked out with the guards. Don't argue with me on this one, Vause. You could have been sent to SHU just for stealing that notebook. I am being lenient with you. Take advantage of that."

Alex got up and stormed out, barely containing her fingers from flashing 'Fuck you'.

She didn't have a choice.

-A-A-A-A-

Alex sat on her bunk with a sigh, and opened the Quran. Her eyes scanned down the page, without taking in any of the words.

She wouldn't have usually lost her temper in a situation like that. Usually she would have stayed calm, shrugged her shoulders, and said 'fine, whatever.'

It wasn't like safe place was that big of a deal. Usually. It would have sucked and everything, but she wouldn't have freaked out about it. Except now Kubra was after her. Whoever he had sent for her, they could gain more information on her through safe place.

 _Pennsatucky?_ The thought wandered into her mind and she had to laugh. No, Pennsatucky was not going to try to kill her, not on Kubra's order at least. Kubra would never use someone like her, he was too smart for that. And even if he did, she could take Pennsatucky. God, she would love an excuse to shove her fist into that bitch's face.

Break some of her teeth for real.

Alex leaned back in her bunk, resting her head on the pillow and turned her attention to the Quran. A grin playing at the corners of her mouth every time she thought of hurting Pennsatucky. She needed a distraction from her desperation, and her anger needed an outlet.

-A-A-A-A-

"What are you smiling about?" Boo asked.

"Nothin," Pennsatucky said. She hadn't realized she had been smiling.

Boo's eyes narrowed and she wore a mischievous smile. "Oh, I know that look. Somebody has a crush."

Pennsatucky was horrified. She had been thinking about Alex. "I do not!"

"Really. I know the perverted look of someone thinking about that special someone when I see it."

"Boo," Pennsatucky said, putting her arm around her. "This is not the face of someone in love. This is the smile of someone who's about to get revenge."

"Revenge? On what the guard? I thought we already decided that we didn't want to shove a stick up his ass, though I'm all for it if you still want too."

"No, I'm not talking about the guard," Pennsatucky moved her arm away. "I'm talking about Vause."

Boo frowned. She had mixed feelings about that. She was Pennsatucky's friend now, so whatever Alex had bullied her for in the past...she didn't necessarily approve of...anymore. But Pennsatucky could be a pain in the ass. And, she liked Alex. She was tall, and funny...and if she had to admit it to herself, attractive.

"What are you planning on doing to Vause."

"Me? Nothing. Healy's already done it. He's making her go to safe place."

"Yeah. So?" Boo was still feeling skeptical about the idea of 'revenge'on Alex Vause.

"Now she has to talk about all of her personal stuff. It's gonna be funny."

Boo pushed her shoulder playfully. "I still think your face looked like you were thinking about a crush."

Pennsatucky shoved her back. "Shut up."

-P-P-P-P-

Alex walked into the safe place circle and took a seat defiantly.

Mr. Healy smiled at her. "Good to see you, Vause."

Pennsatucky and Healy were the only ones in the room so far, but Alex sat five seats away from Pennsatucky, who sat right beside Mr. Healy like a guard dog. Or, Alex thought on further inspection, a worshipful golden retriever at her master's heals.

Boo came in and sat next to Pennsatucky, her arms folded, and her expression matching Alex's.

Alex caught her eye and smiled in a look that said _Can you believe this?_

The corners of Boo's lips twitched, and she rolled her eyes in answer: _I know right?_

Soso entered, looked around nervously, then sat across the room from Alex, leaving a considerably large amount of chairs between her and Mr. Healy.

A couple more people that Alex didn't recognize filed in, and then Poussey.

"Alright, shall we begin?" Mr. Healy said.

Alex felt a drop of disappointment fall into her stomach. Piper hadn't made a surprise appearance. She had said she couldn't come because of work, and the panty business, etc. Of course she could trust Piper to keep her word, when it came to not showing up.

"Today I want to try something new. As you know, over the past week I have been collecting feelings in the feelings jar like usual. I'm going to pass this jar around, and I want each of you to pick a feeling. Then I want you to tell the room, first, your name, because we have some new people today, and then the last time you felt this feeling, and explain why."

Mr. Healy passed the jar to Pennsatucky.

"Why don't you go first."

"Yes, sir." Pennsatucky reached into the jar with enthusiasm.

When she read her paper slip, her expression changed. The light faded from her face, and the shadows under her eyes turned darker.

"Terrified." Pennsatucky read. "Well the last time I felt terrified was..." she trailed off.

Alex's ears perked up, and she studied Pennsatucky's face more closely. She could tell that she was hiding something, and suddenly became interested. By the way her tone changed with her next words, Alex could tell that she wasn't revealing it.

"I haven't felt terrified in a long time," Pennsatucky said in a much brighter voice.

Too bright. Forced. Alex bit the inside of her lip. Her eyes continued to size Pennsatucky up.

"Well, when I was a little kid, I was terrified when I first got my period," Pennsatucky said with a laugh.

Poussey exchanged a grossed out face with Soso. "Woah, too much information."

"I thought I was going to die. But then my mom said, it just meant all the boys would be after me. And they were!" she finished with a little smile.

Forced. Again. Alex observed. Then she scoffed, what did it matter anyway?

Boo took the jar from her. "Hungry!" She read and lifted her arms up ironically. "Well, that's just the story of my life isn't it? I felt hungry five minutes ago. Had some candy from commissary."

She passed the jar on.

"Sick..."

"...Happy..."

"Excited?"

"...Nervous..."

Four inmates read their words.

Then the jar was passed to Alex.

Alex reached in.

"Paranoid." Alex glared at Mr. Healy. She was sure that he put that word in just for her.

He smiled and nodded.

Alex folded her arms. Fine. "The last time I felt paranoid was after I watched one of my best friends die in front of me. But he didn't just die. He was murdered. Shot dead by a hitman sent by a drug lord. I didn't believe that he was going to kill him. But he was unpredictable. You make one mistake, he takes it out of your salary, you make another...and you're dead. It all depended on his mood." Alex shrugged her shoulders. "So that's the last time I felt paranoid."

The room was silent. Everyone was staring at her intensely. Some had sympathy in their large eyes, others just looked scared, or looked at her challengingly, like they thought she was trying to look tough by bringing up the fact that she worked for a drug cartel.

She met Pennsatucky's eyes. She couldn't read them.

She held the jar out for the next person. They didn't notice it at first.

"Here," She said impatiently.

"Oh, sorry," The girl took it quickly.

The words continued to pass through the room.

Soso got the word "lonely" and described how she wished she had more friends at Litchfield.

Poussey got the word "trapped" and described how she felt trapped at Litchfield.

Mr. Healy took the jar with a smile. "Well, I think that went well. I hope you all feel that you have been able to express your feelings. We will do this exercise again some time. If you haven't already, I want you all to make sure you put your names on the sign-in sheet before you leave."

Alex headed for her bunk. When she passed by Boo and Pennsatucky in the hall, Pennsatucky called out to her.

"Hey, Vause!"

Alex stopped and turned. "Hey." She deadpanned.

"How did you like your first meeting?"

Alex shrugged. "It was fine. Why?"

"I just want you to know that what you said in there," Pennsatucky looked down. "It was really deep, Vause."

Alex laughed, not able to believe that Pennsatucky wasn't being sarcastic, but she looked sincere. "Well, the same couldn't be said for you. I didn't need to here about the first time you used a tampon."

Pennsatucky looked hurt.

"Hey," Boo stepped in, noticing her expression. "Be nice, Vause. You haven't been around here for a while. But she's different now. Give her a chance. And hey, at least what Tucky said didn't scare the shit out of everyone in the room."

Alex was taken it back. "Sorry," she shrugged. "I didn't realize how sensitive _Pennsatucky_ was." She said her name sarcastically, staring at her as she did so.

Then she walked away.

Pennsatucky watched her large shoulders move down the hall, and out of sight.

Boo noticed the wistful glint in her friend's eyes. _Jesus Fuck._ She thought. _She really does have a thing for Vause. Hah._

Boo tapped Pennsatucky's shoulder. "Hey, cheer up. I saved some of my commissary candy for you."

Pennsatucky sniffed. "You're a good friend Boo."

Boo put her arm around Pennsatucky's shoulder. "I know, kid."

Boo wasn't going to let big bad Vause tear apart her best friend's heart. She would protect her as much as she could.

 **Author's Note: All reviews are appreciated! I would love to hear your opinions. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Alex woke in a cold sweat. She looked down at her hands and saw that they were shaking.

 _Don't kill me, please...fuck._

Alex stared up at the ceiling, and reality came over her. The walls of the prison slid back around her. She wasn't in the hotel. She didn't have a gun held to her face.

But her stomach still felt like she did. Her head ached. And though she clutched the blankets, her hands continued to tremble. She let out a little sob.

 _Fucking safe place._ It was bad enough she spent her waking hours keeping her eyes moving to spot an attack and muscles tensed. Now she was having nightmares. Ones that were even more vivid than before. Talking about what had happened in the hotel, made it feel like it could have been yesterday.

Alex got out of bed and the room fuzzed around her. Was this another symptom of her terror? It wasn't until she made it to Piper's bunk that she realized she had forgotten her glasses. Sadly, she knew this prison well enough to navigate it without them.

Piper's skin glowed gold against her gray blanket. Alex couldn't fully make out through her blindness the expression that would be on Piper's sleeping face, but she knew it well enough from memory to imagine it now. Just seeing Piper, she felt soothed. A little of the edge was taken off of the sharp pain in her stomach.

Alex shook her shoulder gently. "Piper," she whispered. When she didn't wake up she shook her shoulder more urgently. "Piper."

"Jesus!" Piper's eyes snapped open and she sat up abruptly and pushed Alex's hand off of her arm. "It's like, 3:00 AM!"

"I'm sorry," Alex suddenly felt something deflate inside of her. It was like when Piper woke up, the bubble of crazy that had been surrounding her head popped, and she immediately regretted waking her. "It's just, I'm freaking out. Kubra is going to try and kill me."

Piper leaned against the wall, and started rubbing her eyes. "Alex," Piper said her name in exasperation. "Kubra is not going to kill you in here. And if he was, I'm sure he'd have the decency to wait until a more convenient hour."

"I'm sorry, I just..I just got scared."

Piper took her hand and gave her a small, weary smile. Heat ran up Alex's arm at the touch."It's okay, just..try to go back to sleep alright?" Piper gave her hand a kiss.

"You don't know what it's like," Alex said shaking her head, the panic was rising up inside of her in a new wave, which was starting to overturn the comfort she felt from Piper's touch.

She must really be out of it. She had the vague idea that she was showing too much vulnerability to Piper. Piper always seemed to run the second she caught a whiff of vulnerability from Alex. But Alex plowed on anyway. "Thinking about him...remembering...he held a gun right to my fucking face Piper! And you weren't even there, you weren't. You have no fucking idea what that's like."

"I didn't decide to be a drug dealer Alex." Piper said quietly. "I left that lifestyle behind."

"So you're saying this is my fault?" Alex pulled her hand free.

Piper shrugged her shoulders, and shook her head sadly. "I don't know Al. I just know that I'm tired."

"Tired because it's 3:00 AM, or tired of me?"

Piper shrugged again.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Alex said turning away angrily.

"Alex, wait. I didn't mean that."

Alex stormed away.

Piper buried her face in the pillow and groaned.

Tears started streaming down Alex's face before she reached the bathroom. She started wiping them away vigorously, hurrying for the mirror and sink.

"Ah, shit!" Alex walked right into something somewhere between hard and soft, which in a second she recognized as human.

The gray jacket, brown haired figure turned. "You alright there, Vause?"

 _Shit._ "Pennsatucky? What are you doing out of your bunk, it's three AM?"

"It's four AM actually. And that's none of your business. What's up with all those tears on your face?"

"I-" Alex sighed in frustration. "They're not tears. It's sweat."

"That's an awfully weird place to have sweat on your face, right below your eyes."

"Yeah, well. That's why I was going to the bathroom. To wash it off. So if you don't mind." Alex tried to push past Pennsatucky. But it was hard to do without all of her vision intact.

Pennsatucky blocked her path, and to her horror, put her hand on her shoulder and peered into her eyes. "Are you sure you're alright, Vause? You don't look so good."

Alex grimaced. "I'm fine. Just, brilliant."

"You know, we're both members of safe place now. So if something's going on, you can talk to me about it."

Alex felt another sob well up in her throat at Pennsatucky's niceness. Piper hadn't even offered to talk to her about it. Alex swallowed her tears and looked down.

"I was just thinking about Kubra."

"He the drug lord?"

"Yeah."

"Why you worrying about him, he's dead now right?"

"No. He's not." Alex felt sudden anger well up inside of her. But it was better than tears.

"What?! But how could he not be dead? He killed a lot of people right? He's like a murderer."

Alex had to smile a little at Pennsatucky's naivety when it came to the drug trade. She never would have used a word so delicate to describe her before, but...she sounded so innocent. It was actually cute. Endearing.

"He's a powerful person. He's alive. And they didn't even put him in prison."

"Wait...so if he's still alive, and you're in prison, is he gonna make you deal drugs again when you come out?"

"No, I'm not exactly his favorite person anymore."

"How come?"

Alex suddenly felt her annoyance returning. "You sure ask a lot of questions don't you? Get out of my way, I need to use the bathroom, and don't feel like peeing myself listening to you."

Pennsatucky stepped to the side.

Alex started walking away, but then looked back, and decided to take the sting off of her words. "I'll see you in safe place, _Pennsatucky."_

Pennsatucky smiled involuntarily, suddenly feeling uncontainably bright. It wasn't much, but it was something. "See you, Vause!" she called out with a wave.

Alex stared at her reflection in the bathroom's hazy mirror. Then she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, propping her face on the sink with her elbow. _Pennsatucky._ Had she gone so insane that she was hallucinating now? Or had Pennsatucky really just shown an interest in her problems, as if, it was like, she _cared_ , for some weird reason. And just yesterday, she had complemented her, awkwardly, and tried to engage her in conversation.

She had every reason to hate her, and yet she was being nice to her.

There had to be something...

Alex remembered slamming her against the dryer, running her fingers over her hair, holding up her cross. Threatening her.

Kissing Pennsatucky in the cafeteria for revenge.

After she had got Piper sent to SHU. That bitch got Piper sent to SHU.

Alex slammed her fist against the counter. "Fuck!"

It all made sense now. She just didn't know why it made her so angry. Tucky's actions, yeah, that should make her angry. But her emotions? She couldn't control those.

Alex sighed and wiped off her face. She bit at the inside of her lip, formulating a plan. Her theory needed to be tested.

 **Author's Note: Thank you so much for all of the reviews! It's great to get feedback. :)**


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